is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
