never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize