I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
