And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
