I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
