Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
