My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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