How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
