I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
