I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
