How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
