i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
