In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
