Do you still have your period?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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