Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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