By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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