Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
