i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
