Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
