At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
