Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What a fucking waste of an outfit
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
