i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
