True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
