My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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