I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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