How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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