Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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