The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
