That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
