tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When did angry sex become our thing?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
