so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
