...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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