I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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