google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
