i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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