there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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