May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
