I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
