Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
