No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sorry my hands just texted you
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
