Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
