'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
