You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I see more hoeing in ur future
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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