I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
