why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
