I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
