i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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