well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
