i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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