wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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