bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
