Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
