Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So much Jack, so little girl.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
