Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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