Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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