So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Girls should come with a carfax report
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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