...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
