And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
