i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
