You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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