We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
