I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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