you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
