just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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