why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
