my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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