grandma shit on top of the toilet
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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