I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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