i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
