She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
