By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
