Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
