I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize