Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
