So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
