Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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