I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
