Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
